Sunday, February 29
And so I drown in self pity over the state of my exsistence - oh poor poor me - yeah right .. DOnt forget that No matter how self loathing and sorry for myself I get - I chose this path. It was my decision, even if I made my choices during a drug induced haze, they were still my choices. AND NOW.... I live with them.
I watched a truly hillarious comic on the world comedy tour today - Timothy (or maybe Thomas??) Tiernan. He had a truly funny take on kids, he has (or does he? so many comics make us belive what is truly a load of crap!!) a 3 yr old who changes his name everyday. Its not the name they gave him. Today he will be ... BAtman, or maybe even pocahantus. I know it doesn't seem funny to you, it never is when its stolen material being rugurgitated badly.. But damn the guy was funny, i actually hurt my lung.
I even got scared, Its been a hard week, blood clots in my lungs, being hunted down by police because I ran away from the mean nurse who really hurt me with her big needle, having insane ex friend bashing on front door & windows demanding I talk to her despite fact that I cant move due to fear clot will travel to heart/brain etc. Anyway she was all pissed because I threw something in the bin.. something that was mine anyway - fuck shes insane and I wish I wasn't so stupid to get involved with her in the first place.
God I can ramble on with absolute nonsensicle shit.
Anyway thats me for today - non sensical - if thats even a word.
FIRST BLOG POST - FROM EARLIER IN THE DAY
Well It Had to start somewhere....
Although I'm not sure where it should begin???
Today ? Yesterday? last week? last year??
Who knows
I'm pisces - the sign that is two fish swimming opposite directions and that image pretty much sums up me decision making abilities.. I can never decide.
ANyway the biggest things in my life are that Im female, I have a boyfriend and we have a child together - its all pretty urban normality, read:boring.. you know a dog and cat , two cars that kind of thing
However this weekend I got to drive around in this funky 4x4 jeep that didnt have any doors. I got a lot of funky looks.. always good for the attention addict!
oh I'm also on methadone - maybe future readers will be incredibly shocked to find this out - draw whatever conclusions you will - they are sure to be incredibly wrong and rather laughable at best!!
SO am I a junkie, do I have cancer, do I just enjoy drugs, or do I like to lie down and be keep in line by the government everyday handing me my medicine to keep me under their control...or am I just addicted..... who fucking knows.
I love the feeling - who wouldnt?? it's like everyday i get a shot of wake up happy juice - if youve ever been in pain and felt the sweet relief of any narcotic youll know the sweet exctasy I feel each and every day.
BUT IT TASTES DISGUSTING - its foul, sour bitter taste makes me want to puke... butI daren't waste a drop,...
Anyway life as an addict sucks at times, dont get me wrong. The second people find out they go from admiring my lovely home and amazing family - to putting me down and treating me like the plague.